Okay hello.
As you all know my name is Chloe and I’m 22 years old from the UK.
I have a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Isla mai, she has a few additional needs nevertheless she’s perfect.
As it’s miscarriage/baby loss awareness week I thought I’d tell you my story.
So I was 19 years old and it was around December 2019 I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon and so was the father. I planned everything so soon and announced when I was 6 weeks pregnant- I did this so if anything bad happened I would have support around me.
I was so excited I took 30 pregnancy tests. You could say I was a POAS addict😂. It was a slow HCG progress and I worried something was wrong. I went to A&E and it was fine. Around the 8th week I finally got my dark line I waited for. Unfortunately this was the end.
Around 8+2 I started to bleed it wasn’t heavy and me being so silly thought it was my drink from the morning as I had pure orange and I thought that was what it was. I went home and I got in and unfortunately I was bleeding HEAVY. So I got in the car and went into the early pregnancy unit.
In my head I knew I lost the baby but I had hope & I remember crying but feeling so numb towards the situation.
I had a urine test and about half hour later they checked my cervix and it was closed so they said it was a threatened miscarriage. They scanned me and confirmed threatened miscarriage and advised me to rest.
I felt so relieved I was happy because I thought omg I have my baby still. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case. They booked me for a scan the next morning and so that night I went to bed trying not to think about it.
The next morning comes and I’m so nervous. Praying to god my baby’s okay.
She popped me on the bed and put jelly on my belly and scanned me. And I knew something was wrong. She said and I quote “you’ve had a miscarriage I’m afraid. Do you want to see on the screen”. My heart sank. I instantly cried, so did the father. I didn’t want to see anything I just couldn’t bring myself to see anything.
When I got home I went to bed and cried never stopped. That evening I went to have a shower. I got into the shower and there was my baby. The baby fell out of me I had to put the baby in tissue and I just didn’t want to flush it but I had to. I couldn’t I fell to the floor and I was screaming. I begged god please this has to be unreal.
For days weeks even after that I was numb every time I heard the word baby I would cry. I resented anyone who had a child. I shut everyone off I just wanted my baby.
5 months later I conceive again and this time the nerves were worse luckily my baby girl is here today and from this day still I think about my baby.
Every year I light a candle. I let go of a balloon & I write to my baby. Even after having my daughter I still think about you 👼🏻👼🏻.
17.01.2019. My beautiful baby. I love you x
Mental health & me 