What is post-partum depression and who can get it?

Firstly… what is it?

Well post partum is a very common mental health condition (sort of depression) that occurs after parents have their beautiful baby. There are many symptoms that are also equivalant to ‘baby blues’. However baby blues DOES NOT last after 2 weeks (14 days). The symptoms are as follow:

• Constant sadness, no matter how happy you are inside you physically just can’t seem to be happy.
• Lack of energy -by this I mean not motivated at all. Parenting can be tiring anyway HOWEVER this is extreme tiredness.
• Trouble sleeping.
• Difficulty bonding with baby and thinking you’re not doing anything right.
• Thoughts of harming yourself OR the baby- CALL 999 IMMEDIANTLY.

Please bare in mind PPD can happen any time during the first year of birth.

So… who can get PPD?

Infact BOTH men and women can get it. However its not really spoken about in men AND the symptoms are somewhat different. These can include:

• Less attention.- Not bothered about attending baby’s health checks or bonding with baby.
• Men are also more angry and irritated. This can lead to anger outbursts and violent behaviour.
• Increase in impulsive risk taking behaviours.
• Men also get more physical symptoms for example headaches, muscle aches and stomach complaints.

If not treated appropriately PPD can lead to post partum psychosis HOWEVER its extremely rare (1-2 in 1,000 births). Although the symptoms to look out for are: hallucinations, delusions, paranoia and rapid mood swings. If you feel you have any of the following symptoms see your GP.

As we are close to my experience please read below for useful numbers to call in an emergency crisis:

• 999- Ambulance
• 998- National Suicide Prevention Hotline
• 03444775774- Anxiety UK
• 03003300700- National Childbirth Trust

Now I have gave you alot of information about PPD and PP Psychosis and how to recognise it I’ll tell you about my experience after birth and what I did to help myself.

My daughter was born 3 years ago next month, I was a prepared single mum and already battling alot of trauma from what I experienced leading up to getting pregnant. I knew I had to be healthy in order to look after my little girl so I was told by my doctor to keep taking my prescribed mediction of fluoxetine to prevent PPD. However this was the worst piece of advice a doctor had told me. Isla ended up having withdrawal symptoms at birth and if I had been told the risks etc I definitely wouldn’t of kept taking them.

Anyway I thought I was prepared and thought I wouldn”t get PPD as I’ve taken precautions but I was never prepared for Isla to be disabled from birth so thats when I started feeling abnormal. My first symptoms were low mood all the time, nothing made me happy EVER. I had everything I needed and wanted but it was NEVER enough. I put it down to stress and the baby blues but it got worse over time. I then gradually started to feel isollated and having regular break downs in my room. Just them two symptoms alone was enough for me to go to the GP and explain this has been happening for a while longer MUCH longer than 14 days. They sat me down referred me to MIND and other organisations for my trauma however I was just too busy with Islas appointments I couldn’t attend. Its only just now been okay to go to my trauma therapy. The GP also changed my dose higher but after 28 days it just wasn’t working so they changed me to another anti-depressant.

With the help of my family and friends and opening up to my worries I finally started to feel somehow normal. After 3 years of battling this trauma and depression I am FINALLY in a better safe place. I want to reassure anyone going through similar that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed as they were my biggest emotions through it all. I also want you to feel proud of yourself and remember its common to have PPD and there is many men and women that have been through similar and will understand you. Also my instagram is attached to my bio if anyone needs to speak to someone. Sometimes a stranger online is better no judgements here.

Okay hello.

As you all know my name is Chloe and I’m 22 years old from the UK.

I have a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Isla mai, she has a few additional needs nevertheless she’s perfect.

As it’s miscarriage/baby loss awareness week I thought I’d tell you my story.

So I was 19 years old and it was around December 2019 I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon and so was the father. I planned everything so soon and announced when I was 6 weeks pregnant- I did this so if anything bad happened I would have support around me.

I was so excited I took 30 pregnancy tests. You could say I was a POAS addict😂. It was a slow HCG progress and I worried something was wrong. I went to A&E and it was fine. Around the 8th week I finally got my dark line I waited for. Unfortunately this was the end.

Around 8+2 I started to bleed it wasn’t heavy and me being so silly thought it was my drink from the morning as I had pure orange and I thought that was what it was. I went home and I got in and unfortunately I was bleeding HEAVY. So I got in the car and went into the early pregnancy unit.

In my head I knew I lost the baby but I had hope & I remember crying but feeling so numb towards the situation.

I had a urine test and about half hour later they checked my cervix and it was closed so they said it was a threatened miscarriage. They scanned me and confirmed threatened miscarriage and advised me to rest.

I felt so relieved I was happy because I thought omg I have my baby still. Unfortunately this wasn’t the case. They booked me for a scan the next morning and so that night I went to bed trying not to think about it.

The next morning comes and I’m so nervous. Praying to god my baby’s okay.

She popped me on the bed and put jelly on my belly and scanned me. And I knew something was wrong. She said and I quote “you’ve had a miscarriage I’m afraid. Do you want to see on the screen”. My heart sank. I instantly cried, so did the father. I didn’t want to see anything I just couldn’t bring myself to see anything.

When I got home I went to bed and cried never stopped. That evening I went to have a shower. I got into the shower and there was my baby. The baby fell out of me I had to put the baby in tissue and I just didn’t want to flush it but I had to. I couldn’t I fell to the floor and I was screaming. I begged god please this has to be unreal.

For days weeks even after that I was numb every time I heard the word baby I would cry. I resented anyone who had a child. I shut everyone off I just wanted my baby.

5 months later I conceive again and this time the nerves were worse luckily my baby girl is here today and from this day still I think about my baby.

Every year I light a candle. I let go of a balloon & I write to my baby. Even after having my daughter I still think about you 👼🏻👼🏻.

17.01.2019. My beautiful baby. I love you x

Life as we know it we live and we die but no one ever talks about the middle of life. So as from today I will.

We join earth unprepared for trauma and challenges. We have no book no rules nothing to go by. Just risking every day like it’s our last.

Why do we have to be put on earth just to die? Just to not want to be here? To watch our loved ones die in front of us? What is the point? These questions I have asked myself time and time and time again. I sincerely have major regrets in life that I will NEVER be able to take back or re do again. My daughter who I mention on here quite a lot she’s perfect but the challenges she’s had to face why is life so cruel? Why her out of 7 BILLION humans why her? Another question I repeat DAILY. TRUST ME when I say this I wish life wasn’t so cruel.

She doesn’t deserve this… she’s not done a single thing to god or life, so why her? You what though it’s not even about the challenges because she knows no different and she’s happy but it’s more to the point KARMA comes into this. My head definitely feels like this is karma one of her parents have done something bad and this is karma. Goes back to my same statement. What’s the point? No one ever tells you about the middle story of life.

Goes onto another scenario heart break and relationships. When you’re deep into someone and their life and all the sudden god has other plans no one talks about the effect on the brain of detaching yourself from that person. No matter how much you try they’re always on your mind and you physically can’t eat or drink or talk or do day to day tasks. Why doesn’t anyone talk about that effect? This is where mental health comes in… yet again there’s no rules. No guidance just yourself.

What about grievance? How’s it fair we have to see our loved ones suffer? We have to see them pass in our eyes and the cycle repeats every second of every day.

This is where WE as a society make it easier for people to express themselves to make life easier to handle. In ANY situation if we as a team build up a better life for everyone maybe more people would survive life and not think they’d much rather be gone than alive. Maybe as a team we all build up each other and not bully or commit crimes that we will NEVER be able to undo.

In my head and heart if I knew life was easier and nicer and the world was a better place I would be a lot less scared of dying or leaving my child behind because I’d KNOW it’s not as harsh as life is today. I want the word across the world to be nicer. Raise your children nicer.

Life is challenging enough and life doesn’t need to be any more challenging than it is. In a world where you can be anything… be nice.

We face life together. We all die the same. Stay humble

This is just a blog about how I’m coping and how tough life has been lately. I want to firstly say this is all true and real life based and nothing I write is made up or stretched with the truth.

I lost everything (almost) the last month. Struggling with my baby girl and other problems around me. My baby girl is getting weaker by the day and struggling so much. She’s actually lost a lot of weight and can’t maintain anything anymore. She’s lost interest in toys people food everything you can imagine. She’s still fighting but me…. I’m not. I’m sick of everyone around me saying ‘things will get better’ because you know what they’re probably right they might get better 🤷🏻‍♀️however, they do not see the day to day life with my beautiful little girl.

I’m just going to keep it real, I’ve had thoughts and feelings almost any other parent would. I’ve screamed, shouted, cried & even complemented my own life, but I will NOT give up this fight. I will NOT give in. I WILL be there for my girl I WILL get back up and continue this journey.

It’s a real problem in this world no one sees the struggles on a daily basis everyone’s quick to jump on you and judge YOUR choices. Where’s the real people at? Where’s the ones who’s going to be there with you through the tough times? No one should ever have to keep their mental health in just because of others opinions. No one should have to feel alone in this world because we only have one life and believe me I’ve had to do a lot of ghosting and realisation to actually realise you only have yourself and you should NEVER EVER be someone who you aren’t because it’s taken me to almost take my own life 5 times to actually know I am who I am and everything happens for a reason INCLUDING all the negatives in my life.

I don’t actually know the reason for this blog I guess it’s a rant and to be real to everyone who reads my blogs and to make everyone aware it’s okay to not be okay and I’m struggling and that’s okay. I have unwanted thoughts and I still manage to juggle being a mummy to a little girl with additional needs and for that I’m so proud of myself.

So please if you ever need anyone to talk to follow me on social media and reach out❤️

What is a personality disorder?

– Personality disorder is a mental health condition that affected through the brain. It’s affected a persons behaviour how they feel, think, act or relate to others. There are many different types of personality disorders including my own which is BPD (borderline personality disorder).

-Antisocial personality disorder
-Avoidant personality disorder
-Borderline personality disorder
-Dependent personality disorder
-Histrionic personality disorder
-Narcissistic personality disorder
-Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
-Paranoid personality disorder
-Personality disorders
-Schizoid personality disorder

Symptoms of a personality disorder:

• They may have intense but unstable relationships
• Feeling of abandoned
• Difficulty controlling their anger
• More emotional than an ‘normal’ person may be
• Always frustrated
• Impulsive behaviour
• Spends money like tomorrow
• May have or did have suicidal thoughts
• Self harms

Support you can get for a personality disorder:

• Community mental health nurses
• Psychotherapy
• Dialectical therapy
• Metallisation based therapy
• Medication
• Counselling

Alternatively as a person living with BPD which is a type of personality disorder I will share to you a very important contact info for any advice or support I may be able to help you with.

✨Keep safe and happy wishing everyone well ✨

So what is it I have?

I currently have 3 conditions. They are; BPD which is borderline personality disorder, anxiety and depression. I have been diagnosed with BPD for 6 years now and currently on tablets which is called quetiapine & that’s currently a 100mg dose. This is a anti psychotic medication used to sedate and calm some one like me when I have a bad episode. These help me relax and sleep any anger off. The next is my anxiety and depression and for that I’m on sertaline 50mg. This helps my moods even out and have a steady day.

How I personally cope:

Coping has always been difficult for me. Some days I can cope well and others I choose to ignore it. I’m just being real with you guys now. It’s a challenge. When I do cope though I tend to have a bath or count to 10 and not all the time does this help everyone. Everyone has their own coping strategies. Talking also helps me. Find someone who Understands you calms you down and makes you feel safe. Write it down on paper and rip it up after. Shout so loud you don’t care about who’s listening. Do it over and over again until your body’s relaxed. Write a journal keep a log of your emotions. Do anything that makes YOU feel at peace because that’s all you want in life is to feel free & do it with NO care in the world.

How I dealt with my diagnosis:

I was 16 years old when I got referred to a psychologist, I always knew personally that something was wrong as I was never happy or satisfied with anything. Everything I wanted I got but was never enough. I spent loads of money going out of control and my moods were always up and down. When I finally found out what was wrong I felt relieved that I wasn’t ‘weird’. I went straight on medication and asked for counselling. At least I knew I was normal.

My advice to anyone going through similar stay calm and know it’s normal to feel the way you do. You’re unique and amazing and do not forget that.

We all have our ups and downs but majority of us find it incredibly difficult to open up about these events or circumstances. All we want is peace and acceptance from others. So why do we feel ashamed of admitting we need help? Theoretically we all want the same thing…. Right??

Steps before talking about your mental health:

• Take a few minutes and write a list of everything you want to get off your chest.
• Write down everything you want to ask a professional- IF you want to see a professional
• Write down goals you want from opening up. This can be anything you want.
• Write a letter if you’re too embarrassed or too scared to open up or if you don’t know how to start it off.
• Take your time when expressing how you feel.

What if instead you join groups. This can be done anonymously at first until YOU decide to put yourself out there. This can be very beneficial as you could find someone who’s in the same boat as you feeling the way you do and this could end up saving not only yours but that person’s life also. You could open up about your experiences whether good or bad. The importance is incredibly over whelming all you need to do is make that first step. Just remember be proud of yourself ❤️

Why not challenge yourself for 30 days?

• 30 days feeling positive and happy
• 30 days self motivating yourself
• 30 days being productive
• 30 days doing the things YOU love.

This is an amazing way to make yourself feel YOU again. With Covid 19 restrictions easing this is a perfect way to get back into routine and motivate yourself to do day to day challenges. This is a perfect way to feel fresh. Why don’t you challenge yourself to 30 days of happiness you never know you might actually become a new person 😉. I challenge YOU to be happy for 30 days. Maybe you’re like me and you love a good deep clean 🧼 why don’t you set yourself tasks throughout the day. Let’s all start being productive. Healthy mind healthy life that’s my motto.

Don’t worry I’ve been here myself I’m the same as you I’ve been lazing in bed for days because I couldn’t be bothered to get up. I haven’t been productive in the slightest with lockdown but you know what let’s challenge each other. LETS DO THE 30 DAY HAPPINESS CHALLENGE ☺️

New beginnings for everyone especially myself and Isla. We ended our 2020 with our toxic surroundings and binned the negativity.

2021. New book 365 days of new adventures and more opportunities 🙌🏼. 365 days to make a better lifestyle for myself and Isla.

Hello. Most of you will know and most of you wouldn’t. I’m 21 years old a single mum to a beautiful little girl Isla-mai. She’s now 1 years old and become quite a character 😜. She’s the most beautiful little star ⭐️ and I wouldn’t change her for the absolute world. She’s the reason I made a blog account she’s the reason I fight and keep going. It’s been a really tough year due to Covid 19 anyway but even tougher behind closed doors for me and my bubbah. Isla was born at 38+3. She was delivered by forceps I’ll post a beautiful pic below ⬇️

This is my beautiful girl only a few mins old. Anyway, she was born with something called hypotonia which is known as “floppy syndrome” and had a heart defect. She was rushed into NICU for approx 7 days. They ended up doing scans and tests which came back she had chromosome abnormalities. Her chromosome 8 had a duplication and chromosome 2 deletion. I thought my nightmare was over. IT WASN’T. I then was told her brain didn’t develop properly and she actually had a cyst on her spine. It was a LOT to take in and handle. Today my daughter hasn’t met any milestones as of YET but she WILL. She’s making progress. She’s going to do it with my help. My little girl is in and out of hospital and it breaks my heart. I wish I could take this away. I love her. She makes me so happy and if I could give her my health I would. Today I’ve had to sit here and write this out because I’ve had disgusting humans calling my BEAUTIFUL little girl horrible names. I shouldn’t have to explain to people why my daughter hasn’t hit her milestones or why she acts and looks the way she does. If no one knows anything I have just explained about please use google and for the life of me STOP ASKING PERSONAL QUESTIONS. She has a cyst on her spine which has prevented all her ability to walk (which may never happen sadly). She’s 1 and still doesn’t sit up or roll over, the professionals are concerned but I still thank my lucky stars she’s breathing. She had a sleep study which came back her oxygen levels were fine but wasn’t ruling out hypoventilating when she’s asleep. She now jolts her feet and hands which is because that’s how her brains been wired. Her legs have to be put into braces to straighten them out as she flop to the side due to having no strength in her legs. My little girls a fighter!!! I’m proud of her regardless ❤️❤️