Before pregnancy:

The feeling of power. Feeling confident. Feeling happy. These are all the feelings you felt BEFORE having your bundle of joy… am I wrong?

The feeling of being able to get into any clothing and not care about anyone else’s opinions. The feeling of self confidence. I bet you’ve forgotten how it feels? Well so have I. But you are beautiful still.

During pregnancy:

This is when SOME women start to get the feelings of anxiousness. Some girls are able to feel beautiful still. Until the stretch marks appear. Now that beautiful top you love doesn’t fit you. Your jeans don’t fit. Now the pressure starts. You start feeling “like a whale” you’re already hormonal but now you’re feeling even worse about yourself. Starting to think your partner will go off you etc well please don’t think or feel that and trust me 80% of women are feeling the exact same. But you’re beautiful and perfect and that bundle of joy will be in your arms soon staring at the most beautiful person in the world.

After pregnancy:

Now your skins sagged. You have loose skin. You’ve gained a few pounds. You have stretch marks on your thighs, stomach, boobs & even hips. You could’ve even had a c-section so now you have a massive scar on your belly. Your hair is coming loose more and more is falling out every day. Your nipples are a different colour. All these changes have happened to your body so now you’re feeling so low in yourself you start to feel anxious and depressed. That’s when your post natal depression kicks in. Am I wrong? No I’m really not but you know what embrace them tiger stripes. Embrace that beautiful body. Show it off.

A report of 2014 found that there’s been numerous relentless pressure on women to go back to their “pre-baby weight” Us mums we compare our bodies to what social media tells us what our body should look like after a baby. Wrong this is our NEW bodies let’s all stand together and tell each other we are beautiful. Let’s all show love and support. Let’s drop the rates of suicide and depression and let’s all start being more kinder!

I’m starting to struggle. Some days are better than others I guess today is a day I’m struggling really bad. I don’t know how I do it sometimes. I just feel so stuck in my head and in what I’m going to do next.

I’m not sure how I’ve been coping lately but it’s time for me to get back up on my feet and start again. Maybe I’ve let Isla down now 🥺

When I’m in this frame of mind my mind starts wondering if I’m actually enough for my little girl and if I actually am a good mum. I start questioning myself and I need to get out of this frame of mind by maybe cuddling up to Isla and coming away from the social media!

Eventually I will share with you guys what my background is and what’s brought me to this I just need time to adjust and write it out.

Simple…. I HAVE TO my needs don’t matter no more. I’ve been on my own since pregnancy roughly 10/11 weeks pregnant.

Everything you see on my baby’s girl I got. My family has supported me through thick and thin. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to be like most mums all loved up with their baby daddy and and a happy family but unfortunately I never got that chance.

All my needs they don’t come first anymore and if I’m completely honest I do sometimes cry myself to sleep thinking what if and all of that but the thing is it’s never going to happen so first things first I needed to accept that and a year later I’ve accepted it.

I’ve been through more than most in the last 2 years but I’ve over done it. Talking to single mums myself and idolising then realising that nothing you can do will change the past. Look to the future.

So I wake up every morning look at my little girl she gives me a massive smile and we start the day together.

I CAN do this and I WILL do this. Not everything in life works out and I’m absolutely blessed with my girl and I’ve ACCEPTED it now. None of you females out there single parents or not need to rely on men. The thing I’ve realised and woken up to is that it’s normal to have failed relationships, it’s normal to feel like this at the end of the day we are all human even us mums.

So to anyone out there struggling to get through the day whether this is aimed at single mums, mums with their partners or just men/women in general please know you’re doing amazing and if you need any advice for self care please read my self care blog. I got you all! Thankyou all for being amazing

I just want to add down the bottom here Thankyou to everyone who’s read through my blog I will post my back story soon I just need some time to do it. Please read through my journey and encourage others to reach out! 💋💗

There are many tips/tricks you could do to release that stress. If you have any other suggestions please feel free to comment below!

• Get up early enough (preferably between 7am – 8am).
• Drink some water first thing
• Go for a run/jog
• Write yourself a to do list for the day.
• Take a new route to your usual destination whether that’s school college or work or even dropping them kids to nursery.
• Try new things.
• Take 5 mins to decompose every day
• Move at least 30 mins a day DO NOT just laze around all day.
• Nap for at least 1 hour IF needed.
• Exercise
• Start the day with something positive that could even mean a coffee if you love coffee
• Meditate
• Write something you feel is holding you back or the negativity and burn it or rip the paper up.
• Volunteer even once a month.
• Go on a shopping spree
• Have a family night
• Detox yourself from work or college/school
• Eat healthily

Strategies to help cope with your mental health:

Connect with other people

Good relationships are important for your mental wellbeing because they can:

• help you to build a sense of belonging and self-worth
• give you an opportunity to share positive experiences
• provide emotional support and allow you to support others

Be physically active

Being active is not only great for your physical health and fitness. Evidence also shows it can also improve your mental wellbeing by:

• Raising and boosting your self-esteem
• helping you to set goals or challenges and achieve them
• causing changes in your brain which can help to positively change your mood

Learn new skills

Research shows that learning new skills can also improve your mental wellbeing by:

• boosting self-confidence and raising self-esteem.
• helping you to build a sense of purpose
• helping you to connect with others around you.

Give to others

Research suggests that acts of giving and kindness can help improve your mental wellbeing by:

• creating positive feelings and a sense of reward
• giving you a feeling of purpose and self-worth
• helping you connect with other people

The do’s and don’ts:

DO:

• try talking about your feelings to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor. You could also contact Samaritans.
• consider joining a group or class that focuses on something you enjoy; you could ask to go along and just watch first if you’re feeling nervous or anxious.
• consider visiting places where you can just be around other people I.e: a park, the cinema or a cafe.
• consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other.
• try the 6 ways to feel happier, which are simple lifestyle changes to help you feel more in control and able to cope
• search and download meditation apps on the AppStore.

DON’T:

• do not try to do everything at once; set small goals at first that you can easily achieve.
• do not focus on the things you cannot change.
• try not to compare yourself to others. On social media you usually only see things people want to share
• try not to tell yourself that you’re alone.
• try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve loneliness; these can all contribute to even worse mental health.

How common is mental health in the UK?

1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year in & 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (like anxiety and depression).

Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Suicidal thoughts and self-harm aren’t mental health diagnoses. But they are related to mental health. Over the course of someone’s lifetime :

• 1 in 5 people have suicidal thoughts
• 1 in 14 people self harm.
• 1 in 15 people attempt suicide.

As you can tell you are not alone! & if you need to seek medical advice or help please do it today!!

Stay safe 🌹💕

Firstly what is BPD?

Bpd stands for borderline personality disorder and is quite common. With a high rise of 4million people having the condition. That’s 1.6% of the population.

Signs of BPD

•intense fear of abandonment •A pattern of unstable relationships •Rapid changes in self identity and self image •Impulsive and risky behaviour such as unsafe sex, gambling, reckless driving etc. •Suicidal threats or behaviour of self harm. • Wide mood swings lasting a few hours or days. • Ongoing feelings of emptiness

So how do I cope with this and BPD?

So firstly I take medication regularly. If I forget one tablet it can be a tough day for me and Isla. Which includes feeling not enough for her. Secondly if I do feel like my mental health is dipping I contact my GP and explain this is due to me being a mum and have to be 100% for her. Thirdly I listen to music or cuddle my baby girl and instantly feel okay again. This has been really tough to handle even before I had Isla. Each day gets easier and better. Some days I want to stay in bed and others I am so energetic. So if you do know me personally and I give you mixed emotions please don’t come at me I literally cannot help it. I am managing my mental health every day and on top of that I’m a single mum trying to give Isla the best life possible. I also have my mum who’s my biggest supporter ever. She’s kept me safe from all the bad that’s happened in the past. Lastly I film myself how I feel and what I want to say even if I cry then I store that video in a folder and keep it there but that’s only on a really bad day.

So how have I managed with COVID & BPD?

This was the whole point in my blog. I wanted something to Focus on. Since blogging I’ve felt so free in my body. If my mental health does dip I have my parents to talk to which most people don’t have and I’m so grateful for that. I want to start getting into writing to write my feelings away.

Next steps???

Now I’ve opened up on my background I’m hoping this spreads awareness. If you have any of the possible symptoms of BPD please go to your GP. It’s important to manage your mental health and I can’t stress enough I am here If you ever needed to talk.

We’ve all been there. Its the worst but imagine being so in love with someone it literally hurts. You plan to have a family and get married. You set a date you live together but god has other plans.

I mean don’t get me wrong the baby happened but just not a family. Originally it’s hard to get over someone but imagine trying to get over someone who’s the father of your baby.

I’m not saying I’d ever put myself through any heart ache again but I definitely wish I had my family. Being a single mum it’s hard. It’s hard anyway but I just struggle at times and that’s okay all mums have these days.

My little girl saved my life she did. She really did. Without her I wouldn’t be able to cope with losing things / people I’ve lost in the past. Sometimes I feel like why wasn’t I good enough why wasn’t I the one when I tried so hard to be the best partner they had. Sometimes I cry to my daughter or in my pillow just wondering why I wasn’t enough for someone.

I don’t usually post on something so public about what I really feel or how I am. But it’s okay because everyone gets these days everyone’s human. I just want my fairy tale ending.

This was me from my heart telling you guys how it really is behind closed doors not everything you see on social media is what it seems!

Yes all them Instagram posts of us smiling my make up done up my hair perfect and all for a perfect snap but in reality….

The tears the tantrums, the tiredness the stress the anxiety. I look at these mum posts on social media and think that’s the ideal parenting when actually in reality… no ones perfect.

I genuinely thought I was a bad mum because my child doesn’t do certain things other children her age does. Questions through my head as follows:

Am I a good mum?

Have I done something wrong?

Am I able to cope?

When actually I’m the best mum to my girl. Social media fools us all! In future I will be doing what I feel best for my little girl. You’ll always have them mums that think they’re perfect but in actual fact there’s room for mistakes in parenting you just need to learn from them mistakes. Doesn’t make you a bad mum at all! So for anyone that needed to hear this, you’re doing fantastic keep it up 💕

Today my mental health dipped quite low. I’ve never really spoke out about this before but I’ve been through some nasty crap. I wished I was more prettier and less paranoid about situations and I had a better body etc. The postpartum stage is wearing me down.

I’ve never really liked my body anyway but I got ‘used’ to it in a sense but since having baby Isla I genuinely look at myself in the mirror and heave. I hate it. But you know what my little girl made my body.

This is when I turn to writing because I get it off my chest. I have done multiple videos of me breaking down to myself. It’s just how I cope with things. Then I realise I’m not the only one who’s feeling this way. I can’t be. All of us mums has days like this… so is this my BPD or is it genuinely just normal?

Being a first time mum aswell as lockdown it’s hard you know but for anyone out there if you feel this way don’t think you’re on your own Because you’re not. I got you.

Islas had her milk and wotsists. Yummy. She loved it she’s now playing with her toys 😍🙌🏼